This week the spin cycle is about masks, literal or figurative. I'm not one for literal masks, but I often feel like I'm wearing a figurative mask.
There was a poster that I loved when I was in college. It had a porcelain mask with the girl crying behind it. It really spoke to me as I felt I was often smiling and not letting anyone see how sad and uncomfortable I really was. I desperately wanted to fit in and be well liked, but the whole social scene baffled me most of the time.
As time went on the feelings the mask hid changed. Sometimes it was frustration, other times is was unhappiness. Then there were the times when the mask hid mild depression. I got good at faking it. Sometimes I almost believed that the mask was real.
These days I don't wear the mask as often, but there are still days when I feel I'm stuck behind the smiling mask and all I want to do is cry. But crying comes with explanations and I don't have explanations for how I feel. It's easier to just smile and move on than deal with the sadness.
I wish that there wasn't a mask to hide behind, but then I just might look crazy and emotional and no one wants to be around a crazy, emotional mess. Therefore the mask stays firmly in place and I smile and go on as if nothing is wrong. Until I hit a point I can't and then I take a moment to myself, cry it out and most of the time I feel better.
I guess everyone wears a mask at one time or another. Everyone feel insecure and finds it easier to hide behind a mask than let everything show. Smiling and moving forward is just what people do.
What mask do you hide behind?