I'm going to serve up a bit more mom guilt this week.
This time it has to do with my second child. Bruiser is a wonderful kid. But I always feel just a bit guilty because he gets so many hand-me-downs. Clothes, toys and on occasion attention.
I don't want him to feel short changed but we have to be economical and the clothes and toys Turbo played with are still good and Bruiser doesn't really know the difference--yet. As for attention, well, he's getting good at demanding his share.
But every now and then I feel guilty because I remember Turbo wearing or playing with something and think that Bruiser will never have/do new stuff--Turbo will have done it all first.
I'm not really sure how to deal with this--I was older and all I had was a younger brother. Hand-me-downs don't work the same with brothers and sisters.
Of course, Bruiser is very much his own kid. He is pushy and demanding and he will not let us forget he is himself. I still don't know what to get him for Christmas. Other than a stuffed Scooby Doo. The kid loves him some Scooby Doo. But when Turbo was that age, we got him Thomas stuff--and all that stuff is sitting in the attic waiting for him to get old enough to play with it. And so far he has not shown any interest in Thomas, trains, or anything like that. So what do you do to keep things fresh for the second time around kid? This has me a bit baffled.
My other problem is that I keep trying to compare the boys--Turbo did this, and look now Bruiser is doing this. Bruiser is doing that and Turbo did that. I find myself looking for differences between the boys, just to, I don't know--prove they are different? I know they are different but when Bruiser does something I don't remember Turbo doing it always sort of surprises me. And then I feel a bit guilty for feeling surprised.
So, I deal daily with mom guilt--don't we all?I just do my best with what I'm given and hope my boys turn out all right. What else can you do?
Go see Shell at Things I Can't Say for more Pour Your Heart Out posts.
I don't think it really matters in the end.
ReplyDeleteMom's can give themselves guilt over any one of their children. For my parents, with me its that they were too hard on me as the oldest.
As long as you love your children and they feel that, everything will turn out just fine.
Oh, the mom guilt!
ReplyDeleteI can find it over all three of my kids. My middle and baby get handmedowns, but my oldest is expected to do so many things on his own b/c his brothers need help...even though he's still young, too.
I don't think it ever ends.
Think about it this way, it's new to Bruiser.
ReplyDeleteIf he ever looks to Thomas, he will have scads of toys at his disposal just waiting to play with him.
Clothes and handmedowns don't matter in the end as Turbo is probably at the stage where he wears out the clothes before he outgrows them anyway, so Bruiser will be getting new clothes anyway.
Mom guilt is horrible! But probably having an older brother, Bruiser will be into a lot of the same things Turbo is because he wants to be like his older brother so he won't mind that the things are hand me downs!
ReplyDeleteAaahhh......the mom guilt! Don't beat yourself up too much over it! We all have it at one point or another. Just make sure when you're comparing, you remember to dole out even hugs and kisses and "I love you's" and the rest will even itself out!
ReplyDeleteI have mom guilt over this issue too. I don't think it's possible to escape it!
ReplyDeleteI'm the oldest also so I never got hand me downs. However, both my boys get hand me downs Tthe oldest gets them from a cousin). I figure when they're old enough to complain about it is time enough to worry about it.
ReplyDeleteMy girls are almost 6 years apart so hand me downs were a little more difficult because it would have been hard to store things for so long. But I did keep some clothes that Layla used when she was younger and toys I have saved in the closet waiting until she is old enough to use them. I really dont think kids care so much about the stuff...its new to them. Rhiannon even gets hand me down clothes from my bffs daughter because they are only a year apart.
ReplyDeleteI wish we could all stay free of the mom guilt! It's inevitable though. My boys are 6 yrs. apart, so the hand me downs get saved for a few years before the youngest wears them. No one even remembers them at that point. How old are your kids? Sometimes, my little one thinks it's cool to wear his brother's stuff. Any chance of puting this spin on it?
ReplyDelete